Turns out I need to get copies of cancelled checks from years back.  This should be a simple process, something I should be able to do from the comfort of my home office chair, right?  I proceed ahead with a positive attitude and a little bit of naivety.

I begin by calling the bank’s 1-800 number.  How great would it be if she could just view the checks and give me the information I need to confirm.  Although she was very nice she informs me it’s been too long  and that she has no access to my records.  See, I no longer do my banking with them.  Did I forget to tell you that?  That should make no difference.  After all, I do know my old account number (patting myself on the back for that one!).  She tells me I need to physically go into the branch where I originally opened the account to have them help me.  She prepares me that most likely the account (and copies of the checks) have been archived and there will be processing and mailing time.  Ugggh.  Fine (said in a unhappy tone).  I am a bit confused why she can’t pull up the records, so much for the electronic age, and wondering if she can’t how the branch could but I go with it because I’m that kind of person. 

This morning I walk into the bank and immediately sign-in because I know I will have to see one of the employees who sit behind a desk, you know the ones in the perfectly aligned rows.  I sit down in the waiting area, choosing to pass on the coffee and cookies, but thank you anyway.  I’m approached by one of the employees (the sign on her desk said MANAGER)  and asks if she can help me.  I explain the situation and I can tell there is a shift in her eyes.  I’m not picking up on what that means but I can tell she is not the person that will be helping me.  Was it because I’m no longer a customer of the banks or because the checks go back way too far?  Either way, no more warm fuzzies.  She tells me that the individual in the cubicle behind me is the one that can help me.  Of course she is on the phone and appears to be multi-tasking like nobodies business.  The other five desk dwellers appear to be avoiding any eye contact at all costs.  The “Manager” tells me she will let her know I’m waiting.  I sit down and watch her go to sit down at her desk and immediately begin shuffling papers.

A few minutes go by and I can see where this is going.  Unless there is some secret form of communication between the employees (maybe buttons under the desk, sign language or possibly thru email) I can tell she is not going to tell this women I am there and need help.  The women behind me is still working away but after some time I can tell there is a break in her activity level.  I finally turn around and she happens to glance up at me at that same moment and asks if I need help.  “Yes, as a matter of fact I do.  And that women over there was going to let you know that”.  I laughed and said louder than I normally would, “I guess that secret form of communication didn’t work”.  As I walk around the corner I hear the “Manager” say, “Oh, I’m sorry”. 

I sit down and explain what I needed.  She asks if I have check numbers and dollar amounts.  I happily pull out that data while she is notifying me that there will be $2.00 per check charge for the copies.  (Man that is one expensive copier cost they have there.  I should set them up with our copier guy.  He could work them a deal!).  She then asks if I have the paper bank statements.  I said for half of them I do but the other half I do not.  She sits back in her chair and says, “Well for those checks you don’t have the statements I’m going to have to order the statements and there will be an additional $6.00 charge per statement”.  I glance down at my notes and realize I’m going to need 4 statements.  This plus 9 checks means $42.00 in charges.  For cancelled checks?  I’m mad now.  I quickly explain to her, “I do not have the paper statements because during this time period I caved into their request for us to go paperless.  I switched to doing everything thru Quicken.  I downloaded the data from your bank.  Quicken doesn’t have reports of the raw data from the bank and since I’m no longer a customer of the banks I can’t access that information” (and I doubt I would be able to access it anyway if I still was a customer with the way things had been going).  I went on to say, “The rep on your 1-800 line told me you might have access to this information, could you please look to see?”  She replied “Our systems are the same so if she couldn’t access it then I won’t be able to, but I’ll give it a try”.  Thank you, I think.

She boots up her program, takes copies of my scribbles on my note pad and begins searching for the checks.  It was all I could do not to jump over the desk, move her out of the way and do it myself.  As I mentally walked her thru the steps to search for the checks my thoughts went to wondering how good of a multi-tasker she was.  I see her hit enter and what do you know, there are my checks.  Well not the copies but at least the data she needed to order the checks.  This meant the bank statement order was no longer needed.  Yeah!  I just saved myself $24.00.  Whoo Hoo!  Then I realize that it’s rideculous that I’m celebrating in my head the fact that I just saved myself money I should not have had to pay in the first place.  I then realize she is back to fumbling around re-entering the check numbers because she hit a wrong button.  Uggh!  

Against my better judgement, I ask her a couple more follow-up questions while she is re-entering the data.  Can you email or fax the checks to me?  (I can see on her system that the checks will be emailed to her).  Oh no.  They can only mail them or allow me to come pick them up.  Again, technology people!  And, the cost will be $18.00, cash or money order only.  I’ll believe it when I see it but the good news is they will be ready by tomorrow.  As I walked out of the bank I remembered why I don’t bank there anymore.

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